Eternal

I debated writing this because I already wrote such a long explanation about my summer and it's changes. However, I am still working on moving past camp and into where God has called me next. So this post is a compilation of the top ten things camp, both Hidden Acres and Barnabas, has taught me and how they apply to my life, to all our lives, even now. A few weeks ago was Spring Barnabreak and from Iowa City I watched my social media explode with pictures of people I love so much and more than anything in the world I ached to be there. I cried all weekend long. Even now I'm holding back tears, wishing that I could say I was going back this summer. However, I'm also confident that God will provide. That even if my heart doesn't always believe my head knows it's true. 

Both camps have impacted me deeply. Chances are if you have a conversation with me camp will come up. It's through camp that I saw high schoolers and college students living out their faith. It's where I first experienced worship, devotions, and true community. It's really where I fell in love with children, serving, and Jesus. God's plan is funny and perhaps I will be lucky enough to spend future summers at camp, but for now it seems my time is over. However these things (and many more) are still carried with me daily. I'm learning what is eternal. Camp is not eternal. Whether it was this summer or next, or even if I had spent three more at camp, eventually it had to end. And in ten or fifty years I may not remember the names of my favorite campers. I may not even speak to anyone on staff. But that doesn't make it unimportant. It definitely doesn't make it pointless. So here are the reasons that are eternal; the things that will make a difference and still be true in fifty years. 

(Eternal) Things I've Learned From Camp:

10. Be flexible.
Life doesn't always go as plan. Actually, lets be honest. Life rarely goes as planned. Let be begin by saying that I am not really a flexible person. If I had it my way there would always be an incredibly detailed plan that everyone knew and it would be exucuted flawlessly. Camp often seems like the opposite of this. "What's going on? What time is this? Where is that? What are we doing?" These were daily questions. And beyond that unexpected rain or heat, a sudden crises, or a slower-than-expected activity could throw everything off balance. It was important to be flexible....so I learned how. And I learned that it isn't very hard. Plans are good. Details are good. But life is messy and it'll all come together eventually. So in all walks of life I must take a deep breath, remember that it'll be okay, and embrace a little choas.

9. Community is important.
This is one I'm still struggling to implement in my "real life" life. But it is from camp that I draw the truths of this from when I forget. I can remember a hundred times that I need the rest of staff at camp. They let me cry, laughed with me, encouraged me, convicted me, walked with me. Camp is not a solo job. You will not survive without investing in those around you. Allowing them to cry with me in the hard weeks and rejoice with me in the good weeks was vital. One vivid memory I have is that of my first week of campers at Barnabas. I didn't get "real campers" until week seven, mostly because I was scared out of my mind. But I knew it was coming and I wasn't ready. I can remember reading my name on the cabin list and immediately bursting into tears. Taylor was there ready to help calm me down and throughout the weekend all I heard was encouragement. Between our two staff meetings I had four people walk up to me and pray specifically for my week. I was absolutely terrified and unprepared, but I had a community that loved me and believed in me. I honestly believe that that is how I got through that week. And it's no different now. I need others. No matter how much I'd like to tell myself I don't we are built as living stones. And a stone can't be anything on its own. I need other people. And I always will.

8. Loving is your final job.
This is what my Bible study leader at Barnabas would tell me, constantly. Love, love, love. If you are loving you will be okay. Yes it was my job to get the campers up. It was my job to run activities and lead volunteers and clean. But above all, above everything else, my job was to LOVE. To love the campers, to love the volunteers, to love the other staff. To get up every morning and see them as Jesus does. To know that my sole purpose was to reflect the love He has for me, to love through every moment, to care about them personally. To love. And to love is my purpose in life. Whatever we believe we are called to it is founded on our commandment to "Love others." 1st Corinthians 13 tells us that without love we are nothing. And so to love is the very most important though. No matter where I am or what my job description says I must strive to love.

7. Patience. 
This is that super cliche Barnabas lesson that I can't help putting on here because of how ridiculously true it is. Both camps taught me how to be patient. How to wait. How to wait physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Patience is a virtue because all good things take time. Patience is a virtue because the wait is worth it. Patience is a virtue because we are people and we all need others to be patient with us, so we are called to be patient with them. Be patient. Be calm. Wait for the Lord. Wait for the child. Wait for the moment. Listen, watch. Wherever I am patience will be necessary. Wherever I am patience will be worth it.

6. Use every moment well.
I can vividly remember Ryan Graden telling us to use walks. Use that walk from the girl's cabins to the dining hall. Don't be silent. Invest, talk, ask, question. I always thought that was sort of silly. Until I got there. Some of the best moments with campers were on that well-worn path to the dining hall. Some of my favorite Barnabas moments were waiting for to be let in for lunch. The moments that it was easy to withdraw, to rest, or to even turn to other counselors and catch up. I am learning lately that God is big, but not above any moment. All those "God moments" in our lives were just regular moments until God decided to do something with them. There is not one second of our lives that we aren't in desperate need of a Savior. There is not one hour of our lives that the gospel isn't completely, overwhelmingly applicable. So we can never withdraw from a moment and say that it's worthless, that it's too small for God to use. Because we just never know. So I pray that God convicts me of every second this summer and this life, to constantly be running hard after Him. To be constantly investing in wherever I happen to be. 

5. Quiet time is vital.
I discovered Habakkuk at Barnabas. I want to say it was week four, but who really knows. I needed it though, and I think I read it six times that week. Quiet time was so necessary for my summers. There were days I skipped sleep, skipped showers, skipped friends because all I craved, all I needed, was time in scripture. I can't tell you how much time I spent sitting in my spot in the woods at Hidden Acres or at IP at Barnabs crying out to Jesus, asking Him to help me. Yet as vital as it was for my camp life it took four whole summers of that before it finally started to really seep over into my real world life. It took the loneliness of college this year to make me realize that crying out is just as necessary in everyday life. And it is. My quiet times are everything some days and I see significant difference in weeks that I don't prioritize my Jesus time. So I'm finally learning to schedule it, invest in it, and let it make a difference.

4. Attitude is everything.
Ugh. This one makes me mad. Because attitude is a problem I've had my whole life and something I struggle with constantly. I am stubborn. And if I decide I don't like something then I'm not going to like it. That kind of attitude has ruined so many moments, days, and situations for me. And I let it. I constantly let my own negativity overwhelm any chance I had at enjoying the situation, or at least getting through it with some joy. Yet I have learned (begrudgingly) that just going into something with a new attitude can change everything. There's a quote that says "If you think you can or can't do it, you're right." I hate that quote, mostly because of how true it is. Camp taught me this. I could tell you story after story of countless moments at camp that pushed me way out of comfort zone. Barnabas itself is completely outside my personality; I'm honestly still blown away that I actually did it. But that doesn't stop at camp. Especially as I move through and past college I'm sure I will only continue to encounter situations that could be completely determined by my attitude....and I am determined to make the right choice. 

3. Take your lessons with you.
I'm good at leaving things where I find them. I'm good at God moments that are left in my seat when I get up and walk out. I'm good at heartfelt prayers that I forget the next morning. I'm good at tear-filled breakdowns that don't spill over into my life. I'm good at getting it. I'm bad at application. This was my biggest problem with camp, and continues to be something I have to fight for. Breakthroughs are important, understandings are important, big-God-gospel-wow moments are important. Remembering them the next day....the next week....the next time....is more important. The reason we learn is to apply. So if I'm testing well, but can't perform in the real situation, then what is the point? I'm learning to apply. I'm learning that all those big-God-gospel-moments have constant, daily application in the "real world" too. 

2. You are not alone.
I'm a crier. I cry a lot. I cry a lot at home, at school, at work. I cried a LOT at camp. I think I probably cried in just about every bathroom on both campgrounds. I remember crying in my bunk beds, in the FLC family bathroom, on the picnic tables outside the chapel, in the Barnabas woods, in both dining halls, in my car on the weekends. I cried a whole lot. I felt lonely a whole lot. But I never was. Jesus who loves me was constantly, actively loving me through every single tear. Through every single fear. Through every single failure. I may struggle with bringing my lessons with me, but God is definitely not hindered by the border between camp and real life. He doesn't even think about it. There is not a difference to Him. So here or there. Wherever I (we) may be....the last thing we are is alone.

1. You can't do it. But God can.
I could fully, completely understand all other nine lessons. I could embrace each one. But if I do not know and strive to understand this one then the rest will be in vain. I'm not capable of those things. I'm not capable of loving others well. I'm not capable of using my time wisely or being patient. I'm not capable of flexible deep breaths, fighting for truth about loneliness, or embracing community. I, above all, am a sinner. I love to run. I love to cry. I love to search for joy in everything except the cross shining down on me. I am prone to wonder, at camp and especially outside of it. Right now I need Jesus. I need Him to love me, cherish me, guide me, help me. I need Him to uphold me, show me, build me, mold me. I need Him because He is the only sustaining, constant thing in my life. He is all that can fill me and all that can save me. It doesn't matter what we are talking about. From devos to tree house adventures to handling breakdowns camp has taught me that I am never capable. I'm never adequate. I'm never good enough. But my big, mighty, loving God is always MORE than capable, MORE than adequate, MORE than good enough. And He is right here.

This summer I may not hear "HEEEEEEEEEYYYYY BARNABAS!!!" even once. I will not have a sore back after "little kid week" (my fav). I will not get to worship on Saturdays in The Silver Lining. I will not battle my love/hate (and by that I mean mostly hate) for Capture the Flag. I will not experience the joy of weekend Boone or Monett Wal-Mart adventures. I will not hold a hundred hands or rub a hundred backs. I will not wake up at 2 am to a tiny face staring down at me. I will not have closet talks or counselor time. I will not have JC meetings or Large Group. I will not cry in the dining hall bathroom or walk all the way to the FLC from the girl's cabins just to get the family bathroom shower. I will not have to run on four hours of sleep. I will not get camper hugs or hear camper jokes. I will not know the joy of finding an email on my pillow or a note in my mailbox. I will not play Raw Macaroni. I will not get to sing the Moose Song. I will not get camper arrival. I will not get skits before meals. I will not eat Hidden Acres cookies or Barnabas pineapple dump. I will not cry on the way home, wishing there was just one more week.

And these things I will miss. These things and a hundred more I will miss, deeper and harder than I can express. These things make me smile. They make me happy. They bring me tears of joy.

But those first ten things will always apply.

Those first ten things are camp truths to carry with me.

Those first ten things will aid me in reflecting Jesus, in finding joy, and in loving well, wherever I find myself over the my summers....and beyond.

And above all it's those first ten things (and many other lessons) that I am most grateful for.

This summer I'm staying in Iowa City. I have absolutely no idea where I'll be a year from now. My future is completely undertermined and is balanced on the edge of a bunch of decisions I either don't have control over or don't know how to make. I'm almost a sophomore in college which scares me way more than I ever thought it would or could.

There are so, so, so many things that scare me. So many things that I don't know or can't control. So many things that are going to change. So many decisions to wait for. So many choices, chances, and options.

These ten things will always be true. Always. No matter where I find myself these ten things matter. These ten things are applicable. These ten things can be used. I'm so very grateful for all camp has given me. I've said that a hundred times because it's true. But I am MOST gratefulf for these things. Things that are eternal, because they are not of camp but of truth and of Christ.

He is constant. True. Here.

So I can be too.