The Comfort Zone

I love life after high school so far, and I'm barely even in it. I'm so, incredibly, amazingly happy with my decision to graduate early. I could write a novel about how happy I am. I love everything about it. I like my DMACC classes much better. I love working and making money instead of sitting in a boring class. I love having random days off. I love not worrying about speech or band. I love not seeing people I don't like everyday. I love discovering who really cares about me. I love it. I love it all so much.

But since graduating I have encountered something I did not expect to feel so much.

Fear.

Despite all that I hated about high school, it did have one perk. It was stable. I knew what was going to happen. It was safe, I knew my way around, I knew the routine. I knew the people and the place and the way to act and be and what to do.

Not so much anymore.

A new job, college classes. Even going back to things, like speech contests has changed. I'm not a part of that anymore. Many people have already made it clear that our "friendship" will not last past this year, and has in fact already began to disappear.

If nothing else, at least high school was safe. And comfortable.

And so by pulling myself out of that, I got the opposite of those things. I feel insecure, unsafe, uncomfortable.

And I know that it's only going to continue. After this I'm headed to a camp that is "unsafe" as well. Then off to real college. From now on I think I will spend more time than not in "unsafe" situations, and if I do get comfortable, it will change real quick.

And so I have to search. I have to search for my comfort, safety, and stability in something else. Something unchanging, something that will never leave me.

Malachi 3:6a says "I am the Lord, and I do not change."

Finding my safety in Christ is a difficult thing, because God is not necessarily safe. His plan will often push and pull me. I will often doubt and question and be afraid of what He wants for me. But it is finding peace and joy and trust THROUGH all these feelings that makes Him so unchanging.

He is stable because of his unchanging love and understanding. I am safe in His arms. I will fall. I will fail. I will feel afraid and unhappy and uncomfortable. But in Him I can constantly find love and joy and comfort. 

Jesus needs to be my comfort zone, so that as long as I have Him I will feel safe. 

He is teaching me so much this semester already. Finding myself and my worth in Him is a lesson I re-learn daily. God shows Himself to me everyday. In children at work, in a friend at DMACC, in an encouraging text, or a call from my best friend. In the sunset and trees and a good grade. In quiet time and getting to sleep in. 

I am learning to look for these things.

I am learning to find Him and seek Him in my moments of fear. 

I am learning that His purpose for me is bigger than I can imagine.

I am His and He is mine.

And in His promises, I am safe.