Everything.
From Netflix to my future to sleeping in for 10 more minutes, my life is stacked full of things that I put before my Savior daily. My own needs and wants, even other's needs and wants, often come before God's wants from me. I often plan and then pray, not pray for the plan. I think that I have time for Jesus all the time, but this movie is on now, or they want to go to dinner now, or this paper is due now, when in fact it is those things can wait.
I daily chase shadows, shadows that will disappear in an instant, and that will never satisfy if I catch up.
I once tried to explain the wonder of the gospel to my campers by asking what they would do if their best friend lied to them. They would probably forgive her the first time, right? Everyone makes mistakes. What if she did it again? What if she did it 3 times? What if she lied and then said something mean about you? What if she ditched you for someone else, as well? Eventually we would get sick of it, right? We would stop forgiving her. She clearly isn't going to change. She doesn't deserve our friendship.
I believe that we hurt God daily. I think that every single day, often many more times than once, we step over that line, we fail Him. We sin. Every....single....day.
And yet He forgives us. He gives us a way out. He has decided that His LOVE overpowers anything we have done or will do. He has forgiven us for future sins. That's unimaginable. Forgiving someone, before they hurt you? We would never do that. But He already has.
And I still often decide that one more episode is time better spent than praying. I still often decide that one more lie won't hurt. We still do it, everyday.
What love.
I am continuing to identify the shadows I chase, and while I know I will always be chasing something, I hope that as I identify what's hurting my walk, I can turn away from the shadows and I can chase after the light.
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