Islands

     On October 25th I will be seeing Tenth Avenue North in concert for the sixth time. Their current tour is based on their new album "Islands." The point in these songs is that we are not islands. We are meant to be a community, in fact our God Himself is a community of the son, the father, and the spirit. "No man is an island." We are made to need one another.

     I am an introvert. For a long, long time I was on the fence about this. I was convinced that I was in between, a little bit of both. But that's wrong. Too many people overwhelm me. I feel easily lost in a crowd. Socializing is exhausting. The joy I find in being alone is unexplainable. I love going to Panera or Starbucks alone, I've spent many Friday nights with Netflix and my cat. One of my top three favorite things about college so far is the incredible amount of alone time I get. I thrive in small group settings, and drown when more than ten people show up. I like making myself an island.

     I don't need anyone else.

     This is what I used to think, what I often like to think. I like to convince myself that Jesus is my satisfaction, that community and brothers and sisters are not really that important, especially for my particular personality. This has especially come into light as I've entered Iowa, alone and a little lost. I came in with a deep understanding of having no one, of being alone. I spent my spring semester pretty alone, and then spent a good half of my summer struggling to make relationships. I'm good at being alone, and had little to no expectations for a community.

     Now as introverted as I am that doesn't mean I hate people. I just hate a lot of people at once and for a long time. I wanted friends here. Who doesn't? Especially with the understanding that I'll be here for the next four years. So I looked for a found a place. 24:7 has welcomed me with open arms and Parkview Church will be my new home church. I have made an effort, I am not living my college days locked in my dorm room with Netflix (only sometimes.) I want friends. 

     The battle for me has been in my need. I'm deeply afraid of friendship. Which sounds so silly. But I've ruined so many of them, and I have enough trouble gaining them in the first place. For me friendship is not a surface level thing. A quirk to my introverted self is that the relationships I do have are incredibly, incredibly important to me. This is a blessing and a curse. The people I care about I care about a lot. But this also means I put a lot of weight and importance on these people. Which doesn't always work out. I crave deep realtionships. So thinking about being at this huge university with thousands of new people is daunting. How are you supposed to build deep relationships in a setting like this? It overwhelms and unmotivates me.

     So I begin to think it isn't necessary. If I'm meant to have a relationship happen it'll happen, right? I don't actually need to put in that much effort, right? And if I go through this semester, or this year, or even college at all, with no real, deep relationships it's ok. Because Jesus is my everything. He's all I need. ……Right?

Wrong.

God has daily been weighing on my heart the loneliness that comes in refusing community. He has been tearing me apart with this idea that He created us as a body, and I'm meant to be within that body. He has put people in my life that push me (in good ways) to step out of my comfort zone to find my community here.

     I need community. You need community. We all need community. 

"You'll need coffee shops and sunsets and road trips. Airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs, but people more than anything else. You will need other people and you will need to be that other person to someone else, a living, breathing screaming invitation to believe better things."

“No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main."

“Healing is impossible in loneliness; it is the opposite of loneliness. Conviviality is healing. To be healed we must come with all the other creatures to the feast of Creation."

The body of Christ, being part of the vine, loving one another. There are a hundred verses I could quote right here that would explain why community is important. 

     I am learning that I am not alone. And that I'm not meant to be. Going to social events, opening myself up to strangers, being intentional about building relationships, reaching out, being brave. These things often exhaust me. But a relationship is not made in an introduction or a movie night. But in car rides and church services and lunch and texts and day by day, moment by moment.

 I am an introvert. 

     But I am meant for community. And so I will get off my island and sail to shore. And I will get there. By the grace of God and all His faithfulness there will be people to guide me and people to meet me. I am not alone. And I am not meant to be.